My Life On The S-List
Like all good music junkies, by the end of August I was starting to wonder about CMJ. The site had an announcement: To volunteer to be a photographer for CMJ, contact X @ CMJ to find out how to submit an online portfolio. You may just be shooting the next big thing. (Or something like that.)
I don’t have an online portfolio, but I’ve been meaning to set something up on Flickr anyway. Maybe now’s a good time to do it. But I read the Flickr warnings: don’t be the creepy person, what to do if your work ends up on someone else’s site, etc. How would I know if my pix are on someone else’s site unless I go there, and there are zillions of sites there. And never mind that anybody could download my pix w/o my knowledge, my sister’s got pix of the kid on there. That anybody could view/download. That’s creepy. Right there on Flickr was a link to pix of total strangers’ weddings. Besides the fact that a basic account, which is free, doesn’t allow you to customize the layout, its set up like stock image websites and you have to put tags on the photos to organize/classify them. (At least I think that’s how it works.) I can just imagine what other images would come up with tag searches. Spunk Lads, SMUT, No Place To Piss, Spunks, Bloody Dick. Handsome Dick. Haunted Pussy. You get my drift. I want the site to be like the band list on Pinstand, band logos listed alphabetically and a search engine for 1-stop band viewing. Easy.
Then I wondered if I’d need to have cards printed up. No big deal, I’ve been meaning to do that anyway. And printing copies of my best pix to put in an album to take around to gigs to show bands my photographic skeelz and give them my card and all that. The main reason I haven’t done the album of sample work is that it costs money to have the reprints done. Then I wondered if a volunteer photog still has to pay to get into the gigs, or do I get a press package/pass. And you know me, I’d by a zillion rolls of film/batteries/disposable cameras just to be sure, be hysterically nervous with apprehension about how they came out, and when I get the pix back I’ll mentally flagellate myself thoroughly for fucking up so badly, no matter how they came out. But they said “shoot the next big thing,” so it’s not like they’d have me shoot Rooney or the Decemberists (though I’d love to, but not in the photography sense), they’d probably have me take pix of whatever schmoes play Lit or Ace of Clubs or wherever so it’s not like I have to be a pro pro. And I wouldn’t even be able to write about landing the gig until after it’s over so’s I don’t jinx myself. Still, what do I have to lose, right? This would be a great way to get my foot in the door and add a big name to my “portfolio.” So I sent an email to the contact, telling them that I see shows a lot and am always taking pix, do I need an online portfolio, what do I do, I’ve been meaning to set one up but haven’t yet, and if you still need volunteers, I’m there. See, I wrote “if you still need volunteers.” Because CMJ is the end of October and there it was the end of August and besides, they probably had enough volunteers from last year working with them again and I couldn’t even assume they’d get back to little old me.
They did.
The next day, the contact for general volunteering for the festival said to send in about 10 JPEGS of my best work from live shows. My best work? I just take pictures. It’s not “work.” 10 pictures? I told them I see many bands, from big acts to local bands. What to do, what to do. I want them to know that I’m well rounded when it comes to music, yet here’s my chance to send CMJ pix and show them what I know, you know? Then again, I want them to know that I like bands that everyone’s heard of and actually give myself a chance. “From live shows?” I guess that means no moshers/crowd surfers—and not just for the obvious reasons, that that’s not exactly CMJ material—and the pic of the toilet at Siberia with a Spunk Lads/Blackout Shoppers flyer on the tank doesn’t count, even though it was from a live show. I knew 5 right off the bat. Then it was the inevitable decision process. How out there should I be? But I was able to come up with 10, which I sent out on the Friday of the Labor Day weekend.
No response.
Okay, maybe the girl took the whole week off for Labor Day. I contacted her again the following Monday. Did you get my email and did the pix open okay? Should I resend? Yes, I know I sound desperate, but we all know that about me already. Besides, it shows I’m still interested in being a volunteer, right?
No response.
So I emailed the original contact, the one for photography.
No response.
(“How low can a punk get?” they wondered in their Bad Brains review. 3 CMJ staffers went to the show, I think one of them was the one who asked me for the pix, and they reviewed the show by starting a chat room about it. What the fuck? Just say if you liked the show, didn’t like it, and why. You don’t have to start a chat room over it.)
Y’know, a simple “Thanks for your interest in CMJ, take a photography course and try again next year” would be the polite thing to say. “Buy a fucking flash attachment, and a filter.” I mean, I know I’m not really a photographer. I’m no Mick Rock, Bob Gruen, or Annie Leibovitz. Those pix on the walls at Manitoba’s? That’s photography. The fact that they just happen to be of musicians who became legends don’t hurt, either. Maybe I should’ve turned the pix to black and white; pix always look more profound that way. You know you suck if a band’s fan site wouldn’t even use your pix. But at least I got a thank you from them. See if I hand out cards promoting your site at the show.
I don’t know. I’m starting to get the feeling that somebody’s trying to tell me something and they’d have an easier time of it if I’d just listen. Before, when I was getting no response to ads looking for freelance music writers looking to beef up their portfolios by writing for free/credits/bylines, I was able to take my rejections and use it to fuel my fire. I wrote 2 books (yeah, I totally had quotes around “wrote 2 books” but I took ‘em off) and started this site. I almost get thrown out of the Knitting Factory for taking pix and hassled about getting film developed? Fuck you, I’m a photographer, since when is there no photography allowed at the Knit, and I go ahead and take way too many pix of every band I see. Because you can never have too many pix of all the bands I always see. (Actually, I could and do, so I’ve had to let up a bit.)
Then again, I don’t know why I’m so surprised. The popular kids don’t want me. What else is new? But you know that if I wanted to register to go to CMJ and buy a pass, they’d get back to me right away. Even up until the very last minute. I even considered regular volunteering, but I don’t want to be the person giving out press passes to others when CMJ wouldn’t take me in the 1st place. I’m not sloppy seconds. Of course, they could be doing me a favor. They could say, Go to Ace of Clubs/Lion’s Den/etc. and take pix of some stupidly named band when I’d rather go to see another band I like.
So which pix that cost me the opportunity to volunteer? Aside from the fact that I just have a basic camera, not a “fancypants rig,” here are the 10 I sent, 10 alternate choices—I can’t remember which is which because I was really nervous/excited/in a hurry to leave the office when I sent them—and some thoughts on what went wrong.
Guy in a skirt.
SNL hasn't been funny in years.
Has detachable penis.
Maybe they thought the photographer actually likes Juliette Lewis’s band when she really went for shits & giggles & out of curiosity.
Littering.
Peaches, the singer, yes; Peaches, the song, no. Photo too dark.
Robots and robot-human hybrids don't count as musicians; too Jewish.
CMJ stands for College Music Journal, not Canadian Music Journal, they don't like hockey; also too Jewish.
U2 already a popular Irish rock band, don't know what to make of another; photo gray because photog was in a tent at the East Durham festival not the issue, the fact that photog was in a tent at the festival in the first place is.
Hipster; photo too dark
All hip-hop artists must adhere to ghetto fabulous stereotypes; tin whistle doesn't count as bling bling.
Courtney Love a has-been
Nice banner, too bad those weirdos are blocking it; top of head chopped off not a cool effect but instead proves photog's incompetence; photo too dark.
1996 was so 10 years ago.
Feminists.
Garage bands stopped being cool in 2003-4; photo too grainy.
She loves rock & roll, everyone else loves Fallout Boy and Panic @! The Disco; using the backlight setting made her face too whited out.
Band lends too many songs to commercials and last album was crap; photo too dark.
Band names must be longer than !!!; photo too dark.
Juliette Lewis not really a musician.
I don’t have an online portfolio, but I’ve been meaning to set something up on Flickr anyway. Maybe now’s a good time to do it. But I read the Flickr warnings: don’t be the creepy person, what to do if your work ends up on someone else’s site, etc. How would I know if my pix are on someone else’s site unless I go there, and there are zillions of sites there. And never mind that anybody could download my pix w/o my knowledge, my sister’s got pix of the kid on there. That anybody could view/download. That’s creepy. Right there on Flickr was a link to pix of total strangers’ weddings. Besides the fact that a basic account, which is free, doesn’t allow you to customize the layout, its set up like stock image websites and you have to put tags on the photos to organize/classify them. (At least I think that’s how it works.) I can just imagine what other images would come up with tag searches. Spunk Lads, SMUT, No Place To Piss, Spunks, Bloody Dick. Handsome Dick. Haunted Pussy. You get my drift. I want the site to be like the band list on Pinstand, band logos listed alphabetically and a search engine for 1-stop band viewing. Easy.
Then I wondered if I’d need to have cards printed up. No big deal, I’ve been meaning to do that anyway. And printing copies of my best pix to put in an album to take around to gigs to show bands my photographic skeelz and give them my card and all that. The main reason I haven’t done the album of sample work is that it costs money to have the reprints done. Then I wondered if a volunteer photog still has to pay to get into the gigs, or do I get a press package/pass. And you know me, I’d by a zillion rolls of film/batteries/disposable cameras just to be sure, be hysterically nervous with apprehension about how they came out, and when I get the pix back I’ll mentally flagellate myself thoroughly for fucking up so badly, no matter how they came out. But they said “shoot the next big thing,” so it’s not like they’d have me shoot Rooney or the Decemberists (though I’d love to, but not in the photography sense), they’d probably have me take pix of whatever schmoes play Lit or Ace of Clubs or wherever so it’s not like I have to be a pro pro. And I wouldn’t even be able to write about landing the gig until after it’s over so’s I don’t jinx myself. Still, what do I have to lose, right? This would be a great way to get my foot in the door and add a big name to my “portfolio.” So I sent an email to the contact, telling them that I see shows a lot and am always taking pix, do I need an online portfolio, what do I do, I’ve been meaning to set one up but haven’t yet, and if you still need volunteers, I’m there. See, I wrote “if you still need volunteers.” Because CMJ is the end of October and there it was the end of August and besides, they probably had enough volunteers from last year working with them again and I couldn’t even assume they’d get back to little old me.
They did.
The next day, the contact for general volunteering for the festival said to send in about 10 JPEGS of my best work from live shows. My best work? I just take pictures. It’s not “work.” 10 pictures? I told them I see many bands, from big acts to local bands. What to do, what to do. I want them to know that I’m well rounded when it comes to music, yet here’s my chance to send CMJ pix and show them what I know, you know? Then again, I want them to know that I like bands that everyone’s heard of and actually give myself a chance. “From live shows?” I guess that means no moshers/crowd surfers—and not just for the obvious reasons, that that’s not exactly CMJ material—and the pic of the toilet at Siberia with a Spunk Lads/Blackout Shoppers flyer on the tank doesn’t count, even though it was from a live show. I knew 5 right off the bat. Then it was the inevitable decision process. How out there should I be? But I was able to come up with 10, which I sent out on the Friday of the Labor Day weekend.
No response.
Okay, maybe the girl took the whole week off for Labor Day. I contacted her again the following Monday. Did you get my email and did the pix open okay? Should I resend? Yes, I know I sound desperate, but we all know that about me already. Besides, it shows I’m still interested in being a volunteer, right?
No response.
So I emailed the original contact, the one for photography.
No response.
(“How low can a punk get?” they wondered in their Bad Brains review. 3 CMJ staffers went to the show, I think one of them was the one who asked me for the pix, and they reviewed the show by starting a chat room about it. What the fuck? Just say if you liked the show, didn’t like it, and why. You don’t have to start a chat room over it.)
Y’know, a simple “Thanks for your interest in CMJ, take a photography course and try again next year” would be the polite thing to say. “Buy a fucking flash attachment, and a filter.” I mean, I know I’m not really a photographer. I’m no Mick Rock, Bob Gruen, or Annie Leibovitz. Those pix on the walls at Manitoba’s? That’s photography. The fact that they just happen to be of musicians who became legends don’t hurt, either. Maybe I should’ve turned the pix to black and white; pix always look more profound that way. You know you suck if a band’s fan site wouldn’t even use your pix. But at least I got a thank you from them. See if I hand out cards promoting your site at the show.
I don’t know. I’m starting to get the feeling that somebody’s trying to tell me something and they’d have an easier time of it if I’d just listen. Before, when I was getting no response to ads looking for freelance music writers looking to beef up their portfolios by writing for free/credits/bylines, I was able to take my rejections and use it to fuel my fire. I wrote 2 books (yeah, I totally had quotes around “wrote 2 books” but I took ‘em off) and started this site. I almost get thrown out of the Knitting Factory for taking pix and hassled about getting film developed? Fuck you, I’m a photographer, since when is there no photography allowed at the Knit, and I go ahead and take way too many pix of every band I see. Because you can never have too many pix of all the bands I always see. (Actually, I could and do, so I’ve had to let up a bit.)
Then again, I don’t know why I’m so surprised. The popular kids don’t want me. What else is new? But you know that if I wanted to register to go to CMJ and buy a pass, they’d get back to me right away. Even up until the very last minute. I even considered regular volunteering, but I don’t want to be the person giving out press passes to others when CMJ wouldn’t take me in the 1st place. I’m not sloppy seconds. Of course, they could be doing me a favor. They could say, Go to Ace of Clubs/Lion’s Den/etc. and take pix of some stupidly named band when I’d rather go to see another band I like.
So which pix that cost me the opportunity to volunteer? Aside from the fact that I just have a basic camera, not a “fancypants rig,” here are the 10 I sent, 10 alternate choices—I can’t remember which is which because I was really nervous/excited/in a hurry to leave the office when I sent them—and some thoughts on what went wrong.
Guy in a skirt.
SNL hasn't been funny in years.
Has detachable penis.
Maybe they thought the photographer actually likes Juliette Lewis’s band when she really went for shits & giggles & out of curiosity.
Littering.
Peaches, the singer, yes; Peaches, the song, no. Photo too dark.
Robots and robot-human hybrids don't count as musicians; too Jewish.
CMJ stands for College Music Journal, not Canadian Music Journal, they don't like hockey; also too Jewish.
U2 already a popular Irish rock band, don't know what to make of another; photo gray because photog was in a tent at the East Durham festival not the issue, the fact that photog was in a tent at the festival in the first place is.
Hipster; photo too dark
All hip-hop artists must adhere to ghetto fabulous stereotypes; tin whistle doesn't count as bling bling.
Courtney Love a has-been
Nice banner, too bad those weirdos are blocking it; top of head chopped off not a cool effect but instead proves photog's incompetence; photo too dark.
1996 was so 10 years ago.
Feminists.
Garage bands stopped being cool in 2003-4; photo too grainy.
She loves rock & roll, everyone else loves Fallout Boy and Panic @! The Disco; using the backlight setting made her face too whited out.
Band lends too many songs to commercials and last album was crap; photo too dark.
Band names must be longer than !!!; photo too dark.
Juliette Lewis not really a musician.
posted by heather @ 6:46 PM
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