Young Til We Die

Team Spider TV Xmas Party & Tribute to Zak//MNN Channel 57//12/20/06

I didn’t really know what to expect. I don’t live in Manhattan, don’t have cable, and still have dialup, so I’ve never seen an episode of Team Spider TV. I’m not sure if I can get them thru their video blog, but that’s how behind the times I am. In other words, I’m not familiar with Team Spider TV beyond knowing it exists. But I have good reasons for that.

So when I saw in the email that “all are invited to come out, sing, be merry, have a good ole time . . . bring an instrument, a memory, some grub, yourself, ‘whatEver!’ ” at 9pm, on air at 10:30, I figured our part was just hanging out and reminiscing and saying nice things for the camera beforehand and then the regular show would start at 10:30. I think the station gave Xris grief once because he had too many bikes in the studio at one time, so I figured it was a dinky-ass studio that would be packed and I’d leave if I had to so their friends could have room for their bikes and hanging out.

Waiting for the D kinda slowed me up, me thinking, Wow, the D goes Uptown, too, and when I got out at 58th and 8th I stood on the corner thinking, Ahead? Behind? Left? Right? A guy with a buzzcut, leather jacket, and big bullring in his nose walked by and went left and I figured he was going to the same place, so I followed him west and then found 59th St. Of course as I waited for the light to change so I could cross from 10th to 11th the M11 pulled up and a guy got on the bus who totally looked like Zak. Now bear in mind that it was dark and my vision ain’t that great and the bus stop was down a bit from the curb, but it was weird. I was expecting a slew and tangle of bikes outside the Manhattan Neighborhood Network building and even had my camera on me, but there weren’t any bikes.

There was a sign on the front door of the MNN bldg. with a picture of a blender with an assortment of stuff going into the top that said What Goes Into MNN? Anything You Want! and for a second I was like, Screw the blogging and photogging, HJ is going to be a VJ! Nah, it was really cool because it was like that moment when you’re young and first enter college and you think you really can change the world thru independent media and you can make a difference just by caring and what you do really does/will matter. And it was kinda weird because it was a little after 9:15 and I just walked in off the street. I didn’t think to email Xris and ask what floor the Team Spider studio was on and his email didn’t say, but I figured I’d find them on the directory in the lobby.

I couldn’t find a directory, but I heard a commotion coming from the far end of the floor, so I went off in that direction.

I could not believe it.

It was a big-ass studio, so I don’t know what they were complaining about with too many bikes in the studio, but I seem to recall the show finding a new studio, so that was probably it. Anyway, it was a huge studio—like an actual TV studio. For some reason I was thinking it was a dinky-ass studio maybe because they’re on public access or something or I was thinking of my AM radio DJ days. Or because Team Spider really take pride in doing things low budget. But it was big and had professional track lighting and mounted cameras and stuff. It was kinda like when I went to NBC to be in the audience for the Carson Daley show when the Mooney Suzuki was on only without the whole will-I-get-in-or-won’t-I-even-though-I-felt-guilty-for-faking-cramps-and-taking-off-work-and-sat-outside-for-fucking-pretty-much-all-day.

I was stoked to be there as it was, because Team Spider TV is such a huge part of what Team Spider and Xris—and Zak—is (and was) all about and what they do, aside from putting on shows in Tompkins Square and being bike advocates and getting arrested and stealthing (team spidering, as he calls it) into shows, and Xris videotaping everything. So nobody (as in fans) was there and nobody noticed me and I figured the tribute part was over and I missed it and I’d have to leave, but maybe Xris would let me hang out for a bit. I stood in the wings while the band set up, thinking that I’d do a show myself but I can’t. I mean, I can barely do this and I’m not going to waste a cameraperson’s time. The whole band was telling Zak stories and saying how they expected Zak to show up at any moment.

Then I noticed other people there—a guy in black, patches, and peircings who had a digital camera and took a few pix and another guy who had a huge, professional camera. I had mine and I figured I was going to take a few pix of the gathering, since I figured that was our part—to say nice things for the camera—and then we’d have to sit and be quiet and not interfere with Team Spider’s work. I wasn’t going to take pix while their cameras were rolling because I didn’t want to be that weird flash going off from behind the scenes.

Xris noticed me standing there as I was fading into the walls, and as he greeted me, he told me, “He had a full life and we’re going to celebrate. You’re going to sing with us.”

I wasn’t sure if this was a question, an order, or a request, but I was like, I am? as he walked back to the band and setting up for the show. There was a big storage bin in front of the drumkit and I was thinking that they should get it out of the way in order to make room for the moshpit. There was also a park bench off to the side and I’m not sure if that’s just a station prop that’s there all the time or Team Spider’s to make it look like Tompkins Square, but I thought that was pretty cool because it did give the setup an air of Tompkins Square. A chair sat empty save for a framed pic of Zak and partial dentures, because in the past Zak used to sing “All I want for Christmas is all my teeth.”

So I stood there stupidly, watching everyone be technical, watching cameras set up, took some pix, watching the band tune up and sound check, put on Santa hats, and rush around.

Then they were ready to roll and I put my camera away. On the other side from where I was standing, in addition to the guy with the patches and the guy with the big camera, were 2 other guys. The guy with the nose ring who inadvertently led me west wasn’t there. All the observers put on Santa hats except for the photographer, and they ran “onstage” with Team Spider. It took me less than a second to realize that my place was with the fans and the band and not with the observers/reporters. I saw 2 stocking hats I liked and grabbed ‘em both, wearing both at the same time. I noticed the Santa hat on the guy next to me still had the 99-cent tag from Bargain Hunter and mine actually had tinsel pom poms safety pinned on. Almost as punk rock as $am’s Santa jacket with the Chocking Victim patch, Critical Mass sticker, and I don’t know what the hell was in this plastic packet safety pinned to the front, but it included a syringe, pill bottle, and plastic sprig of berries and leaves.

The 4 of us sat there as Team Spider conducted the show and there was a huge flat-screen TV across from us playing the show right back and fortunately for me, a camerawoman was blocking it at all times or I probably would’ve freaked out. Oh God. At one point Xris referred to us as “elves.” I think we gave off a kind of telethon vibe. Y’know, for just pennies a day you could make a difference in these squatters’ lives. Would somebody please think of the children?! Xris pointed out that we all have a lot to learn from Zak. They sang Grandpa Got Run Over By A Reindeer, Santa! Santa! Santa!, one of Zak’s most recent--Xris said he got it along with the 4000 lyrics he received every week, Young Til I Die, then another Xmas song I never heard of, Rudolph, and then a punked-out version. The guy with the lip rings took off suddenly, but he went to the prop box on the sidelines, dug through it until he found the tambourine, and came back and sang with them. I just could not believe it. It was this totally amazing Zak moment.

They closed with Know That I Love You, and I saw a guy holding up fingers and calling time. It was only a half hour. That’s so sad. They put all this work into it and the show is only on for a half hour? Now what?

I wandered around the lobby for a bit, not sure what to do. Nobody said good-bye, but I guess that’s that. But they were only taking a break and the show was going back on. I’m so glad that I didn’t leave. I wasn’t sure what to do, because I was all bundled up in my coat and hat and had my bag on me, my camera under my coat. Totally fading back into the wall. One of the kids was on drums and they were jamming in general. Then Team Spider started up with Rudolph again and it was a little after 11 as it was and I was figuring to just go because I came, I paid my respects, celebrated the holiday, and I didn’t know how long this thing was going to go on, but then they started the punk version of Rudolph and there was no way I was going to miss that, so I threw down my coat, ran over to the prop box, and pulled out the Santa hat laying on top—ready to, as Zak once wrote, “jump on the lyric.”

And I was back in the band for the rest of the night.

The camerawoman was still blocking the TV so I missed the video clips they’d put together, but at one point Zak was singing This Band Was Made For You And Me. At one point they had the pic of Zak as the backdrop, but they switched to a blue background, with Xris telling them that he’ll “fill something in later.” I guess in the editing process, when he’ll be doing a lot of work on me, making me look way less retarded, splices a Leftover Crack shirt onto me, and gives me some blue hair. They took a call, did Santa! Santa! Santa! again, and did both versions of Rudolph.

See, I don’t know what the hell Xris was going for, because we ended up doing it many times, both versions. There was the group that I was in and the microphone on the other side where Ladybug stood with the other kids and Xris didn’t make it clear what we were supposed to do or not do or where to come in or not come in, or he did and I didn’t hear him. I think it was that we were all finishing at different times. Uhm, hello? Punk rock? Public access? $am grumbled about sweatshop labor and I said It’s Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight because it’ll be Christmas and we’ll still be there singing this and fighting about it. I think we did it about 4 or 5 times. Then we tried to do Young Til I Die a few times, with me trying to sing the chorus but realizing that I’d really need to rock the mic in order to be heard. I forgot who it was, but somebody was playing the tambourine immediately behind me and then there was $am next to him, so on the second go-round I grabbed the mic and tried my best, but I couldn’t even hear myself over the band. This was probably for the best, but somebody said, “Okay, that time it sounded much worse.”

Er, sorry.

One of the guys (maybe he was a producer, I don’t know his title) held up his hands to signal time again and I didn’t know if it was the end of the show or they were just taking a break like the last time, but the band just jammed to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and I stood off to the side, not knowing if they were (yeah, I totally wrote “we were,” like it's my band or something) done and Xris stepped back as well, and I whispered that they should do Bush Bush Bush, because that’s such a Zak staple and maybe they could fit it in. It was like 10 to 12 and I assumed they were over and done at 12.

He said it was a good idea, but they didn't.

So I said, “At least it’s better than this.” Which isn’t to say that I found the band lacking, it’s just that, well, you get my point.

Typical. An hour and a half after (shyly) joining a band and already I’m telling band members what to do.

But the band jammed on and I figured they had a long 2 days and were eager to get home. Then again, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen is sort of appropriate. (I think, I don’t really know the lyrics, but it sounds like it would work.) I still couldn’t tell if they were done for the night or just taking a break, but it was midnight and the cameras were moved and the camerawomen left. Xris was talking to the reporter guy and I wanted to say good-bye and to thank him for letting me hang out and letting me sing with them and apologize for screwing anything up, except he was really engrossed in convo and I didn’t want to be rude, so I just took off.

So, yeah, you can move CBGB to Vegas—stage, stickers, graffiti, and all—and it’ll still be CBGB. Places like The Continental come and go. We lost a real punk rock institution in Zak—or maybe someone who should’ve been in an institution (ha ha--I mean, he did put up w/the rest of Team Spider). But still.

I probably screwed up the retelling of this one because I went there thinking I'd have to be on my best behavior and not be in their way as Team Spider went to work. And at least I can rest assured that my brief stint in Team Spider didn’t make Zak roll over in his grave on account of how he was cremated and all.