Hollow Sidewalks, Supermodel
"You're not afraid of the camera, are you?" I was asked yesterday morning. I said no while thinking: I've got bags under my eyes. My latest modeling job? Wearing a Slipknot mask for the ad for the "Win The Masks Off Our Faces" contest. I asked when they're going to take the picture so I can "coincidentally" wear a band T-shirt that day. The picure is going to be shot in a few minutes. But I have bags under my eyes. I need to pick up concealor. I don't know why that thought even crossed my mind.
My first "modeling job" (just sounds good to write) was appearing in a house ad for our Metal Edge T-shirts last year. I was all rocker chick-ed out and we did some pix at a guitar store on 30th St. Yes, they let me inside a guitar store. Before that, I'd never been in a guitar store. Ever. Don't worry, I didn't touch anything. Due to never-ending red-eye, they went with the one where I'm lounging on the steps of the post office across from Penn Station. It was great because I was laying across a few steps so I still looked curvaceous, not fat. The end of my 20s, terrible posture, big scar on my shoulder, totally out of shape, and I'm a model! I got $50. I would've done it for free, but now I can say that I've made more money from modeling than I have through my writing.
The smaller Slipknot masks had weird eye openings and the material curved in, straining your eyes. So I didn't want that. I ended up with #5--the rubber hood, full-head mask with a zipper mouth and nails coming out of it. I love those guys--in theory, I mean. I wonder, rhetorically, which came first--crazy fans listening to their music or does the music make them crazy? There was a series of pinups featuring those guys in their costumes. Sex-ee! Who wouldn't hang those on their wall? Seriously, though, you have to give the band credit for performing in those getups because they must get hot and smelly after a while. I'm sure theirs are specially made/designed for the band and are breatheable. The ones that are sold in the stores are latex.
The mask for #5 came with a bag of hollow plastic spikes that I had a bitch of a time attaching to the small rubber spikes protruding from the mask. They kept falling off. Probably I should've had a pattern for affixing these things. I put it on and my eyes didn't line up with the eyeslits in the mask, my mouth at the mask's nose holes. It reeked of latex. Everything echoed. Since this was done a little before lunch, I was getting squirrley. My nose got all stuffy and I was afraid I was going to sneeze with the mask on and drop a bunch of spikes, not to mention mess up the mask. I made my way to the front of the office where 8 of my other coworkers had their masks on. I was in front, kneeling down, and supposed to be facing a camera I could barely see. For some reason, every time the coworker took the picture I smiled as if smiling my damndest would make this whole thing go quicker. Besides, my mouth was lined up with the mask's nose holes. I kept thinking I was poking those standing behind me, which would piss them off and cause spikes to fall off. I had no idea how far away those behind me were. At one point, one spike did fall off and someone had to put it back on while I still had the mask--read: full rubber hood--on. Did I mention that these things reek of latex? And they're heavy. I kept trying to face the camera but it was the mask face that needed to look in a certain direction, not me. Meanwhile my nose felt all stuffy and I could barely see. Everytime I tried to ask if the face was looking in the right direction since I could barely see out of my slits, I thought I was shouting. The next step was to take individual stills of the masks but since mine wouldn't stand up on its own, back on it went and someone had to walk me to the spot I needed to be in for my "headshot." I had no perception--couldn't see and hear and did this on an empty stomach with the smell of rubber overpowering even my sense of smell, so I ended up feeling like puking for the rest of the day. The pix are a scream, though. There's a few where my (mask) face isn't facing the camera even though I was. And even though #5's mouth is a zipper, I was smiling. I head other coworkers saying how brave I was for wearing the scariest mask.
This morning I was given McFarlane Toys' Slash action figure--complete with Marshall amps and Slash is brandishing his Gibson. This thing is badass and accurate, right down to the pins on his jacket--for my help and because they felt bad that I wasn't feeling well after. $50 and a deluxe boxed set Slash? Screw writing. I think I'll be a model instead.
My first "modeling job" (just sounds good to write) was appearing in a house ad for our Metal Edge T-shirts last year. I was all rocker chick-ed out and we did some pix at a guitar store on 30th St. Yes, they let me inside a guitar store. Before that, I'd never been in a guitar store. Ever. Don't worry, I didn't touch anything. Due to never-ending red-eye, they went with the one where I'm lounging on the steps of the post office across from Penn Station. It was great because I was laying across a few steps so I still looked curvaceous, not fat. The end of my 20s, terrible posture, big scar on my shoulder, totally out of shape, and I'm a model! I got $50. I would've done it for free, but now I can say that I've made more money from modeling than I have through my writing.
The smaller Slipknot masks had weird eye openings and the material curved in, straining your eyes. So I didn't want that. I ended up with #5--the rubber hood, full-head mask with a zipper mouth and nails coming out of it. I love those guys--in theory, I mean. I wonder, rhetorically, which came first--crazy fans listening to their music or does the music make them crazy? There was a series of pinups featuring those guys in their costumes. Sex-ee! Who wouldn't hang those on their wall? Seriously, though, you have to give the band credit for performing in those getups because they must get hot and smelly after a while. I'm sure theirs are specially made/designed for the band and are breatheable. The ones that are sold in the stores are latex.
The mask for #5 came with a bag of hollow plastic spikes that I had a bitch of a time attaching to the small rubber spikes protruding from the mask. They kept falling off. Probably I should've had a pattern for affixing these things. I put it on and my eyes didn't line up with the eyeslits in the mask, my mouth at the mask's nose holes. It reeked of latex. Everything echoed. Since this was done a little before lunch, I was getting squirrley. My nose got all stuffy and I was afraid I was going to sneeze with the mask on and drop a bunch of spikes, not to mention mess up the mask. I made my way to the front of the office where 8 of my other coworkers had their masks on. I was in front, kneeling down, and supposed to be facing a camera I could barely see. For some reason, every time the coworker took the picture I smiled as if smiling my damndest would make this whole thing go quicker. Besides, my mouth was lined up with the mask's nose holes. I kept thinking I was poking those standing behind me, which would piss them off and cause spikes to fall off. I had no idea how far away those behind me were. At one point, one spike did fall off and someone had to put it back on while I still had the mask--read: full rubber hood--on. Did I mention that these things reek of latex? And they're heavy. I kept trying to face the camera but it was the mask face that needed to look in a certain direction, not me. Meanwhile my nose felt all stuffy and I could barely see. Everytime I tried to ask if the face was looking in the right direction since I could barely see out of my slits, I thought I was shouting. The next step was to take individual stills of the masks but since mine wouldn't stand up on its own, back on it went and someone had to walk me to the spot I needed to be in for my "headshot." I had no perception--couldn't see and hear and did this on an empty stomach with the smell of rubber overpowering even my sense of smell, so I ended up feeling like puking for the rest of the day. The pix are a scream, though. There's a few where my (mask) face isn't facing the camera even though I was. And even though #5's mouth is a zipper, I was smiling. I head other coworkers saying how brave I was for wearing the scariest mask.
This morning I was given McFarlane Toys' Slash action figure--complete with Marshall amps and Slash is brandishing his Gibson. This thing is badass and accurate, right down to the pins on his jacket--for my help and because they felt bad that I wasn't feeling well after. $50 and a deluxe boxed set Slash? Screw writing. I think I'll be a model instead.
posted by heather @ 2:36 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home