Death & Taxes
Sunday nite I was eating dinner and for a sec the room got brighter. I figured a light bulb was about to blow out and looked up to see the glass bowl over the bulbs fall from the ceiling. I suppose I could've tried to catch it, if I wasn't just sitting there stunned and eating dinner, but it hit my foot and then shattered on the floor. If I were sitting just a fraction over, it would've landed on my head. Damn my terrible luck--I mean, wow, thank God, I have a renewed sense of life, know I have a purpose, blah blah. I'm just glad it didn't hit the cat or fall when I was asleep because it would freak me out. The fixture over my sink exploded a few years ago when I was asleep. And my bathroom ceiling looks like it's going to come down again.
So I Did my taxes the next day, Monday, and I hate doing it. It's pointless, because whatever I get back is just about equal to what I have to pay out, not counting the cost of getting it done. It still pales in comparison to what I spend physically that nite, sitting there like I'm in AA or something and I've fallen off the wagon bigtime and I now have to be held accountable for my actions. I never used to claim donations and medical expenses because a long time ago they said that they figure in an allowance automatically that's, like, $2000 for charity and $5000 for medical and if I don't go over that amount, it doesn't matter what my actual expenses were. Last year, though, after the woman put in my earnings, she then asked for donations--big money big money no whammy no whammy (Seriously, that is exactly what I think when I sit there)--how much I spent on my contacts, etc. I said I didn't have any receipts and she still figured that in, asked me to guess and make it up. It's funny, I spent so much on shows last year and every year that I never counted the benefits. Besides, I give from my heart, not because I want something back on my taxes. (Or even a thank you.) What do they expect me to do, get receipts from every show that's a benefit? That's so tacky. I'm sure by next year I'll forget all about the $1 I pitched in for the apple at the ABC No Rio benefit.
And what about when the cause is the band? The shows I go to in hopes that whoever will get asked back, or the band members will be able to pay their rent. Maybe I should factor in the emotional support I give. It's funny that 2 of the commercials for taxcut.com had a guy at a copy shop getting his resume done and everything he did--from getting coffee to taxis to a hotel room--was labeled deduction. The other one had a band rehearsing and amps and guitar strings and pedals were the deductions. It's funny, because I kinda felt like I had some hope after seeing that.
The woman filling all the blanks in had little diamond studs on her jacket and skirt, and for some reason that made me feel a little better. She asked for my statements and I took out my envelopes. "You didn't open them yet?" Uhm. As she sat there putting in numbers and my address, asking me yes and no questions, I thought that I could do that. All it is is data entry. I think. She asked about my medical expenses, if they were over $1731. I said no, but it was close. Damn my honesty. I'd told her I was looking but she didn't ask for my receipts. I couldn't find 'em, anyway. I thought they were in an envelope in one of the piles on my desk. Watch, I'll clean my desk to get the computer in and I'll find them. But I did finally find the Briefs' Singles Only CD, which I was looking for for a while. After it was all done, she said she'll see me next year. I told her that I hoped to have better news then. She said that I will.
As I was signing the credit card receipt, the receptionist said, "You're just like me. I still have my jacket." I never would've figured a receptionist at H&R Block would have a motorcycle jacket, but I guess you never know. "They're really hard to find." I smiled, even though I just paid through the nose to face a firing squad and have my denial crushed. "I tried to get another, but they gave me a plastic one."
Oh. She meant the fabric/paper jacket for my credit card. I knew that.
So I Did my taxes the next day, Monday, and I hate doing it. It's pointless, because whatever I get back is just about equal to what I have to pay out, not counting the cost of getting it done. It still pales in comparison to what I spend physically that nite, sitting there like I'm in AA or something and I've fallen off the wagon bigtime and I now have to be held accountable for my actions. I never used to claim donations and medical expenses because a long time ago they said that they figure in an allowance automatically that's, like, $2000 for charity and $5000 for medical and if I don't go over that amount, it doesn't matter what my actual expenses were. Last year, though, after the woman put in my earnings, she then asked for donations--big money big money no whammy no whammy (Seriously, that is exactly what I think when I sit there)--how much I spent on my contacts, etc. I said I didn't have any receipts and she still figured that in, asked me to guess and make it up. It's funny, I spent so much on shows last year and every year that I never counted the benefits. Besides, I give from my heart, not because I want something back on my taxes. (Or even a thank you.) What do they expect me to do, get receipts from every show that's a benefit? That's so tacky. I'm sure by next year I'll forget all about the $1 I pitched in for the apple at the ABC No Rio benefit.
And what about when the cause is the band? The shows I go to in hopes that whoever will get asked back, or the band members will be able to pay their rent. Maybe I should factor in the emotional support I give. It's funny that 2 of the commercials for taxcut.com had a guy at a copy shop getting his resume done and everything he did--from getting coffee to taxis to a hotel room--was labeled deduction. The other one had a band rehearsing and amps and guitar strings and pedals were the deductions. It's funny, because I kinda felt like I had some hope after seeing that.
The woman filling all the blanks in had little diamond studs on her jacket and skirt, and for some reason that made me feel a little better. She asked for my statements and I took out my envelopes. "You didn't open them yet?" Uhm. As she sat there putting in numbers and my address, asking me yes and no questions, I thought that I could do that. All it is is data entry. I think. She asked about my medical expenses, if they were over $1731. I said no, but it was close. Damn my honesty. I'd told her I was looking but she didn't ask for my receipts. I couldn't find 'em, anyway. I thought they were in an envelope in one of the piles on my desk. Watch, I'll clean my desk to get the computer in and I'll find them. But I did finally find the Briefs' Singles Only CD, which I was looking for for a while. After it was all done, she said she'll see me next year. I told her that I hoped to have better news then. She said that I will.
As I was signing the credit card receipt, the receptionist said, "You're just like me. I still have my jacket." I never would've figured a receptionist at H&R Block would have a motorcycle jacket, but I guess you never know. "They're really hard to find." I smiled, even though I just paid through the nose to face a firing squad and have my denial crushed. "I tried to get another, but they gave me a plastic one."
Oh. She meant the fabric/paper jacket for my credit card. I knew that.
posted by heather @ 7:52 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home