Bowery Matzoballroom Blitz!
Vanessa Hidary & Yuri Lane/The LeeVees//Bowery Ballroom//12/26/05
This was a real nailbiter--last Wednesday my sister said she wouldn't mind having the baby on Monday so she can do the holidays, and I was biting back the "Uh...that doesn't really work for me." If she'd had it on Monday, not even a "But I'll be on the Lower East Side--Delancey Street!--with two nice Jewish boys!" would've helped. I knew it was risky, but there I was the day the tix went onsale. Dave Zamboni's gonna be onstage at The Bowery Ballroom! I can't believe The LeeVees are on JDub/Reprise, open for the Barenaked Ladies, and get written up in The Onion and the Zambonis can only get a rekkid deal in Canada, but I guess this is how the world works. Or at least the music world.
On the F down, that homeless woman with the Nat Sherman bag was back, this time with a bag from Saks 5th Avenue. The Bergdorf Bum. The teens across from me had no sympathy for her because she claimed to be in a shelter. "That's not homeless. Am I right?" When she came over to me, the guy next to me said, "I've seen you working this train for years and years and years. At least since we had off from work I was able to get there later than my usual going there straight from work. There was gelt and dreidels on the tables downstairs at the Bowery Ballroom. This is a brilliant idea, for when we're sitting around waiting for doors to open. We should have dreidels all the time. And just think, Jews in The Bowery Ballroom! I mean I'm sure there are other Jews who go to shows there besides me, but this time we'll be out in full force. So, yeah, I don't know what this whole "War on Xmas" thing is all about. If anything, there's a War on Hanukkah. I was amazed that there was a whole display at Babies R Us for babies' 1st Thanksgiving and babies' 1st Xmas, but not one thing for Hanukkah. OyToys.com to the rescue.
Jon "GoyBoy" Aley was on hand because Adam "Guster" Gardner had to miss the gig due to a death in the family. For the 1st about hour, 45 there was a DJ playing klezmer-type stuff nonstop, me thinking, Y'know, Joey Ramone was Jewish. Iggy Pop is Jewish. Even Kevin yelled for them to lower it. He lent me his issue of Spin (The Killers are "Band of the Year." How did their one song go again? It's at the tip of my brain.) "I've never been to a menorah lighting before. This is gonna be awesome!" And then he walks away, coughing. He comes back and asks, "Would you give me the Heimlich?" I assume he's kidding, because he then says, "Your name's Heather, right?" I thought we'd established that enough over the many years I've been going To The Bowery Ballroom, so I say, "Yeah, same as your daughter." He keeps coughing and I keep reading the magazine. "Do you know the Heimlich Maneuver?" Kevin asks. I say no a bit too forcefully because I'm afraid I'll really have to try it. Kevin stands with his back to me and I say that I'll try it if I have to. He pounds his chest and something flies out of his mouth.
Yuri Lane came out and did some Hebrew-tinged beatboxing and Vanessa Hidary recited a spoken word piece about being at a bar and a guy asked her out for the following week. She had to decline because it was the first night of Yom Kippur and she was fasting. To which the guy said, "Funny, you don't look Jewish." The next one was about losing her heart to a guy even though he told her he was heading to Peru soon. What caused this momentary lapse in judgement? Get this: "He fucked me like Brooklyn." Whoa! The menorah scared me a little, not because they were missing the shamas, but the candles were stuck in kinda precariously. One was taped together in the middle and the candles were lit and dedicated by members of different organizations.
Of course there was not one Hanukkah song at The Beat Goes On Rock & Glitter Xmas show (Rock Of Ages, Rock & Glitter--no?) but perhaps a song from Hanukkah Rocks! will make it one year. Dave "Zamboni" Schneider has 14 years' experience writing on a theme but even more as a Jew. Applesauce Vs. Sour Cream covers that important dilemma of how to top a latke, with a shoutout to the lactose intolerant. (An informal audience poll declared applesauce the winner, only 1 for ketchup.) When on tour with the Barenaked Ladies they had to explain dreidle song Nun Gimmel Hey Shin but not in Jew York City. Dave's mom has a cameo on the album version of At The Timeshare in the form of a phone call to Dave as she goes on about the act that's "the big to-do" at the clubhouse at the timeshare down in Florida, but Dave had to play his mom during the show. A Jewish guy....pretending to be his mother.....and having a conversation with himself? Didn't stuff like this land Portnoy on the couch? He was afraid the song was stereotypical, but we never did the timeshare thing. We only went for the sales pitch, which was our vacation, and the free stuff we got for sitting through it. How's that for a stereotype? (I wish I were kidding but I'm not.) There was an impromptu ode to Jon, the token goy in The LeeVees, Ochos Kandelikas, and a salute to their fave NYC Jew, Jeff Hyman, with Gelt Melts. And the other big debate: How Do You Spell Hanukkah? (I like Julio's guess that it starts with a silent J. I think we should start this. I always left off the C because kids used to pronounce the Ch and jokingly start hocking lugies when I tried to explain the right way. Of course spelling Hannukkah with a J doesn't solve the N/K issue, but it's a start.) And why does an album of Hannukkah songs feature so many about food? Seriously. Not just latkes, matzoh balls, and gelt, but delis and Kugel--the song--and there were boxes of jelly donuts on hand. But unlike The LeeVees, who got 6 pairs of socks from each of their moms for Hanukkah while their Goyim Friends had iPods on their gift lists, I got one pair of socks. And yes, they're Hanukkah sox. Jews in The Bowery Ballroom, and Jews onstage at The Bowery Ballroom!
The Metrocard machine still wouldn't take my credit card. Holiday bonus my ass, do I look like I have $76 in cash lying around? So I had to buy yet another single ride. Didn't they get enough out of me with the strike tickets? Written on the TCI poster in the subway: MTA=Crooks Inc. We strike on Friday. Contract or death. National Socialists of TA.
Back at my station a reroute poster catches my eye. It's primarily blank. This is all it says: No diversions scheduled. You mean that diversions are so expected that they have to announce that there aren't any? I think we should have lots of diversions. Just fewer subway reroutes.
This was a real nailbiter--last Wednesday my sister said she wouldn't mind having the baby on Monday so she can do the holidays, and I was biting back the "Uh...that doesn't really work for me." If she'd had it on Monday, not even a "But I'll be on the Lower East Side--Delancey Street!--with two nice Jewish boys!" would've helped. I knew it was risky, but there I was the day the tix went onsale. Dave Zamboni's gonna be onstage at The Bowery Ballroom! I can't believe The LeeVees are on JDub/Reprise, open for the Barenaked Ladies, and get written up in The Onion and the Zambonis can only get a rekkid deal in Canada, but I guess this is how the world works. Or at least the music world.
On the F down, that homeless woman with the Nat Sherman bag was back, this time with a bag from Saks 5th Avenue. The Bergdorf Bum. The teens across from me had no sympathy for her because she claimed to be in a shelter. "That's not homeless. Am I right?" When she came over to me, the guy next to me said, "I've seen you working this train for years and years and years. At least since we had off from work I was able to get there later than my usual going there straight from work. There was gelt and dreidels on the tables downstairs at the Bowery Ballroom. This is a brilliant idea, for when we're sitting around waiting for doors to open. We should have dreidels all the time. And just think, Jews in The Bowery Ballroom! I mean I'm sure there are other Jews who go to shows there besides me, but this time we'll be out in full force. So, yeah, I don't know what this whole "War on Xmas" thing is all about. If anything, there's a War on Hanukkah. I was amazed that there was a whole display at Babies R Us for babies' 1st Thanksgiving and babies' 1st Xmas, but not one thing for Hanukkah. OyToys.com to the rescue.
Jon "GoyBoy" Aley was on hand because Adam "Guster" Gardner had to miss the gig due to a death in the family. For the 1st about hour, 45 there was a DJ playing klezmer-type stuff nonstop, me thinking, Y'know, Joey Ramone was Jewish. Iggy Pop is Jewish. Even Kevin yelled for them to lower it. He lent me his issue of Spin (The Killers are "Band of the Year." How did their one song go again? It's at the tip of my brain.) "I've never been to a menorah lighting before. This is gonna be awesome!" And then he walks away, coughing. He comes back and asks, "Would you give me the Heimlich?" I assume he's kidding, because he then says, "Your name's Heather, right?" I thought we'd established that enough over the many years I've been going To The Bowery Ballroom, so I say, "Yeah, same as your daughter." He keeps coughing and I keep reading the magazine. "Do you know the Heimlich Maneuver?" Kevin asks. I say no a bit too forcefully because I'm afraid I'll really have to try it. Kevin stands with his back to me and I say that I'll try it if I have to. He pounds his chest and something flies out of his mouth.Yuri Lane came out and did some Hebrew-tinged beatboxing and Vanessa Hidary recited a spoken word piece about being at a bar and a guy asked her out for the following week. She had to decline because it was the first night of Yom Kippur and she was fasting. To which the guy said, "Funny, you don't look Jewish." The next one was about losing her heart to a guy even though he told her he was heading to Peru soon. What caused this momentary lapse in judgement? Get this: "He fucked me like Brooklyn." Whoa! The menorah scared me a little, not because they were missing the shamas, but the candles were stuck in kinda precariously. One was taped together in the middle and the candles were lit and dedicated by members of different organizations.
Of course there was not one Hanukkah song at The Beat Goes On Rock & Glitter Xmas show (Rock Of Ages, Rock & Glitter--no?) but perhaps a song from Hanukkah Rocks! will make it one year. Dave "Zamboni" Schneider has 14 years' experience writing on a theme but even more as a Jew. Applesauce Vs. Sour Cream covers that important dilemma of how to top a latke, with a shoutout to the lactose intolerant. (An informal audience poll declared applesauce the winner, only 1 for ketchup.) When on tour with the Barenaked Ladies they had to explain dreidle song Nun Gimmel Hey Shin but not in Jew York City. Dave's mom has a cameo on the album version of At The Timeshare in the form of a phone call to Dave as she goes on about the act that's "the big to-do" at the clubhouse at the timeshare down in Florida, but Dave had to play his mom during the show. A Jewish guy....pretending to be his mother.....and having a conversation with himself? Didn't stuff like this land Portnoy on the couch? He was afraid the song was stereotypical, but we never did the timeshare thing. We only went for the sales pitch, which was our vacation, and the free stuff we got for sitting through it. How's that for a stereotype? (I wish I were kidding but I'm not.) There was an impromptu ode to Jon, the token goy in The LeeVees, Ochos Kandelikas, and a salute to their fave NYC Jew, Jeff Hyman, with Gelt Melts. And the other big debate: How Do You Spell Hanukkah? (I like Julio's guess that it starts with a silent J. I think we should start this. I always left off the C because kids used to pronounce the Ch and jokingly start hocking lugies when I tried to explain the right way. Of course spelling Hannukkah with a J doesn't solve the N/K issue, but it's a start.) And why does an album of Hannukkah songs feature so many about food? Seriously. Not just latkes, matzoh balls, and gelt, but delis and Kugel--the song--and there were boxes of jelly donuts on hand. But unlike The LeeVees, who got 6 pairs of socks from each of their moms for Hanukkah while their Goyim Friends had iPods on their gift lists, I got one pair of socks. And yes, they're Hanukkah sox. Jews in The Bowery Ballroom, and Jews onstage at The Bowery Ballroom!The Metrocard machine still wouldn't take my credit card. Holiday bonus my ass, do I look like I have $76 in cash lying around? So I had to buy yet another single ride. Didn't they get enough out of me with the strike tickets? Written on the TCI poster in the subway: MTA=Crooks Inc. We strike on Friday. Contract or death. National Socialists of TA.
Back at my station a reroute poster catches my eye. It's primarily blank. This is all it says: No diversions scheduled. You mean that diversions are so expected that they have to announce that there aren't any? I think we should have lots of diversions. Just fewer subway reroutes.
posted by heather @ 10:15 PM
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